The Listening Helper by Member Dave Parkin

I was always very doubtful about counselling - experience can be a great teacher.

After my cancer operation, I had problems with intellectual development and depression for many years and I did not deal very well with it.  2011 is a long time back, but lessons can still be learned from ancient history – even mine! 

I am very different, as one of my counsellors told me: I am one who comes across as shy and reserved, but has no fear of speaking in front of a crowd.  I’ve always been that way, so I try to write or speak as honestly as I feel.  If I am right or wrong is for you, gentle reader, to decide.

My first encounter with a Christian based counsellor was arranged by my GP who asked if I would see an on-site counsellor: a one stop shop.  Her opening line was simple “My name is Jennifer, just think of me as someone to talk to…..”.  A very simple ‘icebreaker’ but it worked.  Later a psychiatrist was added to my tool-box which was via tele-link.  A bit odd at first, but I did however become accustomed to conversing to a TV set that talked back.

So Dr Jasspred Singh was part of the restoration team.  My wife Heather also sat in sometimes.  Dr Singh also let me have one to one interviews which is important in the recovery plan.  You must be honest with your spouse/parents or partner.  They in turn must be honest, even though they love/care about you, i.e. giving you slack to aid your recovery.  This is not easy, having seen it from both sides, when I cared and helped to care for my father.  A lot of attention is placed on the patient and the carer (in my case, my wife) can feel left out at times.  The helper can need help too and this can be highlighted when close family or friends are not around.  The two biggest conversation stoppers are the terms, ‘Cancer’ and ‘Mental Illness’!  These words can be real room-emptiers, believe me.

Try to learn about your mental illness but also try to avoid self-pity, as it spreads gloom and doom, we can all do without.  One of my beliefs is that mental illness is just that: an illness, so therefore it can be treated and controlled and/or cured.

The GP can arrange your treatment team.  However, if you feel uncomfortable with any person – say so!  You are being treated so you can have your say.  Remember how you like to be treated and treat your doctors and counsellors in that way.  If you get tired or overwhelmed, say so in a polite way as there is no place for abusive language or behaviour.  Cognitive Behavioural Therapy is the art of training the mind to work in a prescribed way which can also help with problem solving.

Trying to overcome low self-esteem and avoiding depression can be a very hard and long procedure. If you break or spill something for example, you then berate yourself and a minor event turns into a world (your world) shattering catastrophe.  This is a habit/condition I find hard to overcome, as is the feeling that things will get worse!   For instance: ‘It is raining today so I will get bogged.’  It’s easy to believe you are in a catastrophe when multiple events befall you.  To dwell and ruminate on an event make you feel worse.  To avoid this, try to shift your mind to another subject.  This is known as ‘Thought Replacement.’  The practice is not as easy as you might think, especially if your environment does not change, be it home, work or a person who is impacting on your life in a particular way.  It is better to concentrate on improving situations, not catastrophize them.

When you are not able to achieve an aim, it can be a big let-down.  Stop, think and make peace with yourself.  When you go to a counsellor, make sure you feel comfortable to talk to them about this and be aware that they are trained to help you find ways to cope.  Remember the counsellors are human and have feelings too.  Respect is the key on both sides.